just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
