Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
