my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
