were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
