alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
