i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
