they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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