i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
