dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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