I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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