So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
