Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
