my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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