Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
