She is in my trunk
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
