Three words: puerto rican gang bang
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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