you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
