You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
