Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
