Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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