i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
