Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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