Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
