And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
