JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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