i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
A+ Viking dick
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
