Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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