I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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