Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
