oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Randomize
