No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
