no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
