there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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