FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
