you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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