they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
