she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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