Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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