do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
