Do vagina's smell?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
