Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
