the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
