it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
