let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize