in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
