You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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