She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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