We won't sleep together?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
