They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
