All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
