matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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