i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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