I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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