I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
