I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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