My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
