I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
