My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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