Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
