I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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