the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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