Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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