I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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