Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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