Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
