He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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