I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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