I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize