weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
