those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
