i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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