When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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