She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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