i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
