I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
