We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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